Ashley Granby/Contributing Writer
Seven years ago, when I adopted Jack, my sweet, quirky and wildly energetic dog, I was unprepared for the lifelong impact he would have on my heart.
Jack has a quirk that will drive even the most saintly human mad: his utter and complete terror of the vacuum cleaner. The mere sight of one sends him into a tailspin of frenzied barking, high-pitched howling, lunging, and foaming at the mouth. In his mind, the vacuum is a monstrous beast intent on devouring his humans and despite years of failed attempts he will do anything to stop it.
As I hurriedly vacuumed the floors in preparation for this year’s holiday festivities, holding Jack on a leash in one hand and nimbly pushing the vacuum in the other, Jack’s frantic waltz of fear became a poignant reflection: I, too, have spent years choreographing a life of control, a dance that always leaves me breathless and lost in an echo chamber of fear.
I have lived with a white-knuckled grip on control, desperately holding onto loved ones, my health, achievements, and expectations in a futile attempt to quell the fears of “what ifs” and “should haves” that haunt the halls of my heart.
I’ve realized that within my own clenched fist, I suffocate the very joy and freedom I seek. Imprisoned by my fears, I have kept myself from truly living and authentically showing up for myself and those I love.
This painful revelation has taught me that no person, no event, has the power to stir my inner chaos unless I grant it. True freedom lies not in controlling the external world, but in mastering my own inner symphony. Learning to remain calm and relax into whatever is happening around me and to me. As I’m learning to loosen my grip on the uncontrollable, I allow space to truly be who I am meant to be and relax without fear.
It’s not easy. The “what ifs” and “should haves” still whisper in my ear. But when they do, I take a deep breath, remembering Jack’s frantic waltz against the inevitable, and mine, too, metaphorically. Then, I choose to trust in the unfolding symphony of life.
So, as the New Year dawns, what ‘monstrous vacuums’ haunt your heart? Let’s dance with the ‘what could be,’ and let go of the ‘what ifs’ and ‘should haves.’
Merry Christmas and Happy New!